The Giordana Code
by GreenNinja
Summary: Satoru and Sakura seek to discover what a man dead with the Boukenger compass has to do with anything, and various ways to avoid plaigarism lawsuits. Gueststarring whoever the author thinks of next!
1. Something Entirely Random

**The Giordana Code**

From the journals of Satoru Akashi

Written by Jimon Kagawa

Sponsored by Bandai

**Chapter 1: Something Entirely Random**

"I swear," joked Kai Ozu as he walked through the halls of the SGS Museum with Yuka Yamazaki, the love of his life who was currently not being held against her will by any King of the Berserkers, "the only way you could get me back into action is if the Infershia were to attack this museum, right now, and me without my MagiPhone." Yuka Yamazaki knew Kai was MagiRed, and now everyone else did too. He had proclaimed it at the top of his lungs.

Kai and Yuka walked past the Precious section of the museum where various treasures lie. Among them were the Brain and Heart of Gordom (and the lesser known Foot, Hand, Eye, and Penis of Gordom), the Pipes of Hamelin and the Pearl of the Empire. Kai pointed his souvenir SGS flashlight at the museum floor. He could swear he saw a man lying down on the floor with a sharp object by his side, and something red on the floor.

"Hibiki!" Kai called, "Wake up! You don't come to the museum to play drums! Now pick up your Armed Saber and wake up!" The man on the floor didn't respond. Yuka walked over to him and saw that he was a character that hadn't been in either of the series. Just some random man, lying on the ground, with the Boukenger compass cut into his chest.

"I think whoever did it used this," Yuka picked up a small gold-and-silver metallic chip on the ground with the same symbol engraved in it. "According to the guidebook, this is a Bouken Chip. Didn't know they were that sharp." While the random man lay on the floor dead, the museum's alarm systems began to set off wildly, summoning all five Boukengers and Morio Makino to the scene of the crime.

"Natsuki doesn't know what's going on," said Natsuki, the pigtailed girl in yellow, "is the Negative Syndicate here? In our own museum?" The thought dawned on her that they MIGHT be. "MASUMI! HIDE ME!" Natsuki cuddled close to the bad-teethed man in black, but Masumi pushed her away and focused on the actual danger.

"He was cut with a Bouken Chip," Makino explained, "Whoever was doing it is trying to lure us out."

"Lemme see that," Souta grabbed the bloody chip and held his Accelular to it. The blacklight flashed and revealed a word hidden on the chip. "It says…'Giordana'," Souta said, "Isn't that the guy who invented the Parallel Engines?"

"This is a clue to an adventure!" Satoru exclaimed, "I'm going off to find what Giordana has to do with this random murder, if the Negative Syndicate is involved, and if Jesus really is a baby daddy of somebody out there in the world!"

Dan Brown walked into the room. "The Giordana Code?" he asked, "You're ripping me off…which is strange. I don't even know you people. And the Jesus thing comes from my book."

"I'm not actually doing the last thing," Satoru snapped, "now, if I'm going to do this, I'll need a beautiful woman to be my love interest! She has to be smart, cool, and irresistible. I know just who to choose!" Sakura blushed.

"YOU!" Satoru grabbed Yuka Yamazaki by the arm and started to drag her out of the SGS Museum, but Kai AND Sakura grabbed him by his shoulders and stopped him.

"Chief, I think you meant to go with me," Sakura snapped.

"But you're not a schoolgirl," Satoru sighed.

"Hands off my woman," Kai replied, "If I had my MagiPhone, you don't know the terrible, horrible, magicy things I could do with COURAGE!"

"Fine, I'll take Sakura," Satoru sighed, "We set off on our adventure…next chapter!"

Dan Brown turned to Makino, Masumi, Natsuki and Souta. "Do you know that guy?"

They all shook their heads to say "no".

**NEXT CHAPTER!**

Satoru and Sakura play with Gordom body parts and revive Sir Pope Hat's strongest monster. An evil band of Kamen Riders starts to chase Satoru and Sakura for some reason that will be revealed ten chapters later. And MAYBE they'll get closer to figuring out the mystery.


	2. Geet'em, Got'em, Gordom

_This file was taken from the SHOT Organization in Akebono. When we heard the news of this mysterious Giordana Code, we had to get involved. Sadly, we're on another channel and can't make our appearance until the next chapter. …Kenji, stop tickling me there!_

**Chapter 2: _Geet'em, Got'em, Gordom_**

Makino had locked off the SGS Garage to Satoru and Sakura, so taking GoGo Dump and GoGo Marine was out of the question. Marine was out of the question to begin with. It's a SUBMARINE. I don't care if it moves on land; it's not going to help them. With worse coming to worse, they were forced to take the only mode of transportation available. Natsuki's rollerblades.

Sakura skated forth while Satoru held onto a rope wrapped around her from the Scope Shot, riding on a skateboard he'd taken from downtown. "Chief, are you sure we're supposed to be doing this?" Sakura asked, "We don't even know where we're going!"

"The Bouken Chip's compass was pointing us either northeast or southwest!" Satoru said, "So we go in either of those directions! And if one doesn't work, we go in the other!"

"But why am I the one with the rollerblades?" panted Sakura.

"They're pink," replied Satoru, "You think I'd wear them?"

Miles behind them, three Kamen Riders, one with a tuning fork, one with a cell phone, and one with something called a Rouzer were following them. They had managed to cram themselves onto one motorbike lent to them by a red kabutomushi-themed Rider. _"Riding the path of heaven, king of the road, Tendou Souji's Motorbike Eden will get you where you need to go!"_

"I told you, Kabuto's bike goes at the speed of light!" complained Faiz, "They're on a skateboard and a pair of rollerblades!"

"I can see that…" said Blade sarcastically, "You can't miss her. Oh, those legs. Thing of beauty."

"If we're moving at the speed of light, then how come we're BEHIND?" yelled Hibiki, "We should be able to pass them!"

"I'll get behind her anytime," said Blade as he looked at Sakura's buttocks, firmly pressed against the khaki fabric of her skirt.

"I think you're getting aroused…" said Hibiki with an air of venom.

"He's already got a Rouzer," said Faiz, "Now shut it, Tambourine Boy, we're kicking this thing to the Next Level!"

"I play the Taiko Drums, you fool," said Hibiki.

Faiz let out a whoop and cranked the gear. Blade laughed.

On a cliff somewhere near the Same Beach Where All Sentai Beach Fights Take Place, Arch Priest "Sir Pope Hat" Gajya had hijacked the Gordom Body Parts in the section in between chapters that you can find in the Author's Cut of this fanfic. He was humming himself a tune as he attached the body parts together.

"The leg bone's connected to the hip bone, the hip bone's connected to the spine bone, and the spine bone's connected to the head bone, Gordom Warrior Arise!" With the Brain, Heart, Skull, Leg, Foot, Penis, Arm, Hand, and Sword of Gordom, the Gordom Warrior looked very awkward, because he had only one arm and one leg. Gajya smashed some of his Karths into rubble and used the rest to give him an extra body part. At that moment, Satoru and Sakura pulled up.

"Another Gordom monster?" asked Sakura, "Let's go!"

"I'm the leader!" Satoru said, "I give orders!"

"And I'm the Sub-Chief," replied Sakura, "Second in command."

"She can be the chief of my sub anytime…" said Blade from the background, 50 miles away.

"AdVENTURE for TreaSURE BOUKENGER!" chanted the female voice that comes on before the henshin. Satoru and Sakura transformed into their Accel Suits with a call of "Boukenger, Start Up!"

"START UP!" orgasmed the female voice.

"Where the hell is that coming from?" Satoru asked he pulled down the set piece behind them. He saw Takaoka Eiji, his hair white and his eyes glowing, teeth out and pants down, sitting on a rotating camera with Houka Ozu, her vampire teeth showing and MagiPlaid jacket burst open, sitting on his lap.

"…is this really supposed to be happening?" Sakura asked in amazement.

"Put the set piece back up!" Houka screamed as she did just that.

Satoru and Sakura took out their Bouken Javelin and Hydro Shooter, delivering a barrage of shots to the Gordom Warrior, wearing him down severely. Sakura's fist shone aglow with pink energy, indicating she was frustrated, and delievered a blow to the Penis of Gordom. It's a powerful weapon, but if it's hit, all its defense systems are negated. The Gordom Warrior fell.

"Maybe I should've left that part out," Gajya thought as he grabbed his ancient crotch concealed beneath the Pope-like robes. Sir Pope Hat dashed away from the scene, leaving Satoru and Sakura to continue on their quest.

"We're not taking the rollerblades again," Sakura pouted.

"Of course you're not," said a Jaryuu grunt approaching them, "You have a court case to settle with us."

"As what?" asked Satoru.

"Witnesses," hissed the Jaryuu grunt.

Another plagiarism case with Dan Brown? Already done that. It's not what you expect.

**NEXT CHAPTER! **

The SHOT Organization is being sued for using the name "GekiRyuKen", which is too similar to Geki of the Zyuranger's "RyuGekiKen". Satoru and Sakura get help from one of the jury members on their quest, and start to wonder what an albino man has to do with anything. **_This chapter has been brought to you by Tendou Souji's Motorbike Eden._**


	3. Trial and Error

**Chapter 3: Trial and Error**

Satoru and Sakura were forcibly dragged into the courtroom and placed in the jury box with the single strangest collection of jurors they'd seen. It was them, two vampire girls in black leather, two female police officers who were overexcited to the point of hyperactivity, a fat man and a thin man, two morning talk show hosts, and Rei and Gai, the Questers.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Kruger," spoke a disembodied Mr. Voice. The door behind the bench opened as Doggie Kruger, his furry head never moving (for it couldn't), sat down at the judge's seat, drew his D-Sword Vega, pointed it menacingly at the audience, then put it away and banged the gavel.

"I call this courtroom in session," he said, "bring forth the prosecutor." The Jaryuu verse of "GO! GO! GO! GO! Negative Syndicate" started playing as a man wearing the same pants as Ryuuon and a red jacket walked in. Behind him was his attorney, Ryuuon, with three Jaryuu grunts close behind. Judge Kruger read the subtitles placed beneath him that stated him to be Geki, Tyrannoranger. One of the Kyoryuu Sentai Zyuranger.

"Call the defense!" said Kruger. Into the room came a young man wearing a jacket. He had a talking sword around his waist that was doing its very best to look inconspicuous, but it was a bright blue talking sword. You can't really do much about that. Behind him came his lawyer, a pasty man with a bug's behind wearing a wizard's robes. Dr. Worm was his name, and on the villain hierarchy, he ranks somewhere near the part of the totem pole that's buried in the ground.

"The Case of Geki vs. Narukami starts now," Judge Kruger said, "Geki, would you care to present your case?" The man, who was thousands upon thousands of years old (although he looked quite young), approached the judge and held out his red-gripped blade.

"What you see before you," Geki said, "is the RyuGekiKen, my personal blade. It has been with me for these millennia, prized and treasured…"

"Get to the point!" yelled Nai from the jury box.

"The point!" screamed Mea.

"Point is, Narukami ripped me off. He's using the GekiRyuKen. A simple reversal of the words. I call fraud and plagarisim."

"…okay," Kruger said, "Narukami, are you going to defend yourself?"

"I'm not going to," Kenji remarked, "GekiRyuKen is."

"The sword can talk?" Satoru asked in confusion.

"Of course it can," replied Saba from the audience, "we're not THAT uncommon, you know."

"My name is GekiRyuKen," said the sword, "I was forged in a small metalworking shop out in Tunisia. I swallow keys for a living and am frequently within five inches of Kenji's crotch. Really, how DOES he keep getting the girls?"

"GekiRyuKen, shut up!" Kenji roared at his talking sword.

"Anyway, I am sentient and deserve to win. GekiRyuKen beats RyuGekiKen any day. Unless you wish for this to be a battle of the swords."

"I accept," Geki pulled out his Dino Buckler. "Dino Buckler!" In a flash of red light, he transformed into Tyrannoranger, who announced his name and Ranger title, which you already know.

"GekiRyu Henshin!" Kenji did the same as Geki did. "Ryukendo, Raijin!"

"Emergency! DekaMaster!" Judge Kruger transformed into DekaMaster and took out his own bladed weapon – the D-Sword Vega. It couldn't talk, but you'd think the sharp blade in the hands of an armored dog with a "100" on his uniform spoke for itself. "I can kick your ass, and I'll look suave doing it."

Meanwhile, in the jury booth, as Sakura was being smothered by Nai and Mea (she didn't mind), Satoru was conversing with Bulk, who had been very silent, except for one line that Skull had been annoyingly, repeatedly whispering in his ear. "The albino man has something to do with this. Trust me."

"Albino man?" asked Satoru, "You mean Uncle Fester over there?"

"Of course he does," Skull replied, "He's the palest guy here." Dr. Worm looked at a Madan Key in his hand and said nothing.

"So…when do we find out what he has to do with this?" asked Sakura, trying to escape the embracement of Nai, Mea, Ichiko and Ritsuko.

"Five chapters from now," Skull whispered.

"We find one of them guilty!" Rei yelled.

"Judgment!" chanted Gai, "Judgment! Judgment!"

"Very well," Judge Kruger sighed, "Master License, which of these two is responsible for the plagiarism?" The red X ticked back and forth, showing up in the reflections of Geki's and Kenji's helmets. It kept ticking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth until, finally, a large X imposed itself over Kenji.

"Narukami, prepare to be deleted," Kruger said, "D-Sword Vega! VEGA SLASH!" He held his sword above his head and swung it towards Kenji, who counteracted with his own slash.

"Final Key!" he said hastily.

"Final Break…" GekiRyuKen spoke.

"GekiRyuKen!" Kenji yelled, "Madan…!"

The D-Sword Vega hit Kenji's Madan Key Holder. Bad idea. That was the device that Kenji kept all of his keys, all of his power, in. As soon as Kruger cut it down the middle, a massive explosion filled the courtroom, rocketing Satoru and Sakura into the preview for the next chapter. Nobody died. But the courtroom set would have to be rebuilt on the studio's money.

**On the NEXT Chapter!**

We cut to Souta and Kaze no Shizuka admitting their feelings, only to be interrupted by SirenBuilder providing disturbing visual metaphors. The Riders need a Parallel Engine, and Makino doesn't recognize ANY of them. Also, Baterites playing soccer!


	4. Triple Liquid Bomb 'er? I Barely Know Er

**Chapter IV: Triple Liquid Bomber? I Barely Know 'Er!**

A soccer field. A man. A plan. A canal. Panama. Dleif rec cos' A.

This soccer stadium was the location of the next series events, which involve Baterites, the mutant offspring of Craterites and Batlings, and one Souta Mogami. After being left behind in the SGS Museum three chapters ago, he traveled to Panama to meet with a Precious of the human sort. A deadly, dangerous vixen that he'd seen on more than one occasion. Kaze no Shizuka. Shizuka was waiting for Souta, dressed in her usual ninja gear, on one of the benches.

"Hurry up!" Shizuka whined, "The game is about to begin!"

"I'm here, I'm here," Souta panted, carrying in buckets of popcorn, two large sodas, a hotdog, and a "Go! Ryukendo" flag. "What is it you wanted to tell me?"

"You're the first person who really considers me a beauty," Shizuka said, looking into Souta's eyes, "and I want you to PROVE that. What do you think?"

"I think…" Souta began to say honestly. He was good at keeping secrets. He was a spy. As a spy, he was also good at shagging women. He could do this. But as he spoke to the kunoichi, he could feel something start to tingle on the edge of his Leather Pants. He swatted away the Drake Zecter that had landed there and continued thinking. The dragonfly exploded, sending out waves of extreme metrosexuality everywhere, including Souta's pants.

"SirenBuilder, Jack Up!" Eiji called from the background. BoukenSilver was lubing up his mecha, and when he gave the lever a hard yank, SirenBuilder rose from his crouching position, extended upward, and fired a wave of water from his three cannons that put out the flames in the stands created when the Drake Zecter spontaneously combusted.

"Eiji, what did you need to do that for?" Souta asked into his Accelular.

"All I did was Jack Up and shoot," Eiji said, "Makino wants us to run tests on our Gougou Vehicles to make sure they're working. That's how you prepare yourself for every girl you've been with."

"But…but…" Kaze pleaded, "You said you'd rotate my gyro for me!"

"I was talking about Makino's tests…" Souta stuttered, "You must've overheard wrong."

"Oh, I heard wrong alright," Kaze said angrily, her voice rising higher in pitch every passing second, "You don't love me! You just want to be with Eiji and his…SirenBuilder! Come back to me when you can show me real love!"

Souta looked at Eiji standing atop SirenBuilder, the water shooting behind him. That hair, that utter unfamiliarity with technology, that padding around his crotch to protect the stuntman who was posing as him and had suddenly taken his place…

"EIJI!" Souta called to the stands, "I'll rescue you!" He was disgusted at himself for saying that, but in the end, decided to blame it on the Rezapants. Then RyuGunOu, who had been practicing soccer solo on the field because Ryukendo was caught in the middle of a courtroom-induced explosion in the last chapter, kicked a soccer ball straight into Souta's head.

We may never see him again in the story.

Oh, well.

Meanwhile, Faiz, Blade and Hibiki had arrived at the SGS Museum, being careful not to step on the blood that had been spilled. The janitors had a tough time cleaning it up. Makino was walking around, leading a group of children and begin careful not to show them the death, destruction and corruption that was behind the scenes, on a tour. He was suddenly approached by the three Kamen Riders.

"We need a Parallel Engine!" Blade insisted.

"Our bike broke down," Faiz explained.

"You're the guy," Hibiki said.

"…wait, I know you guys," Makino said, "Kuuga, Agito, and Ryuki, right? Come right in."  
"We're recent series, man!" Faiz explained, "Don't you recognize us?"

"Sorry, I don't," Makino said, "Never seen you in my life."

"I told you we should've had a team-up," Hibiki said aside to his comrades.

"I couldn't secure the contract!" Blade said, "All that paperwork and the police and the Judgment! They ruled that having a team-up was AGAINST THE LAW! How is that right?"

"GET OUT OF MY MUSEUM!" roared Natsuki. She came charging from the backroom, jumped down the elevator shaft into the Gougou Vehicle Bay and summoned Ultimate DaiBouken.

Faiz and Blade were stripped of their suits and their dignity on the spot. The children were still alive. The museum was completely destroyed. This is why we have a tough time keeping this journal alive. People keep destroying places. If you want to preserve history by finding out a secret, you should KEEP IT ALIVE, YOU IDIOTS. Anyway, we need two more Kamen Riders to follow Hibiki down the road in his unknown quest to catch the Hot Adventurer and the Deep Adventurer.

Let's see…I'm sure there's two who would be willing to join in…ah, here we go! We've assigned him to be with Kamen Rider Ouja, noted owner of something called "Genocider" and Kamen Rider Amazon, known to bite his enemies and make them bleed. They sound like fun. I hope Hibiki can survive.

WILL HE?

See for yourself!

**RETPAHC TXEN**

The Power Rangers get mysteriously involved in this as someone named Vida Rocca is drop-kicked into the story for no apparent reason. She, too, holds a secret. Because if we told you what happened right off, this journal would be worthless. The first thing Vida does is knock out one of the Gransazers as Satoru and Sakura are looking for a Knuckle Riser on their Precious scavenger hunt. IKU ZE!


End file.
